RATATOUILLE

That's you and me kiddo !! Today and always

If I am worried about being forgotten after I died? I don’t think I will be. I’ve got so many people who have been involved with me in close, intimate ways. And love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone.

I have no problem living let alone dying. Sorry if this bugs you, but hey it bugs you because you are looking out for me.

My beloved Alexandria Isabelle, I probably do not have much time left to tell or guide you but no worries, my spirit of loving you lives on… whenever you miss me, come talk to me, though I might no be able to respond but I promise I’ll listen or another thing you can do is reach down your heart and you will find me there. I will always be there to love and hug you forever and ever.

Reason being I never like raising you with punitive methods because when I was your age or probably younger I got beaten up real bad, I know the burning sensation of getting caned can be real traumatize. It hurts not only physically but mentally to a child as well. So I banned and never believed and never wanted to apply the same child raising tactic on you. So that now you know…

Your present changes everything, you taught me how to live better, how to gain self-confidence, self-motivate, so on and so forth. You have saved me from making a whooping of mistakes and have certainly transforming me from a weak little woman to the person you called super hero today….hahahaha, funny how a child changed and saved my life…

Alex, I believe I have by far set an excellent parental modeling to you and I hope you could at the very least be strong and yea life can be real tricky at times, is a two edged sword regardless which way you turn it cuts both ways. This is a mixed blessing thingy, life can be both a blessing or a curse depends on what you choose, but all in all….life can be real easy and simple if only you adopt an open mind, set minimum expectations to the point of none preferably, and must always remember to have a lot common senses, and common sense is not something you can learn from school or institute. You need to look at people around you, let their weaknesses be your strength, let their failure be your success. All these will help shape you. Life is a great lesson and I hope you will make it till the end.

I want you to know I am already very proud of having you as my daughter regardless whether you will eventually make it to Yale is immaterial. I know you hate it when uncle Alfie said “let’s just hope that pita would not end up in some secluded china province Ya-Le” hahahaha sorry I can’t help laughing, he is just too funny.

Life is not about proving to anyone or the world of what you are capable of doing, life is about having a sense of contentment, so you will not be sway easily by influences, you will not react to the unnecessary critics. People can say anything, you can never changed people the only thing you can do is change your mind-set. Live your life in the eye of storm then you are certainly to be alright.

I have lived a full life pita, because I have a peace of mind many people yearn so in a way I already have everything, I have no regrets. My departure is just part of life nature, now remember what I’ve said, do not cry over something we cannot change, tears are precious thing my love, this is why you don’t find me crying. Not that I am a less human beings, just that why cry? When you face your utmost challenges all you gotta do is be brave and think of what must you do next and keep moving forwards, at the end of the dark you will see lights, and it can only get brighter every minute. It can be hard..but be rest assured it will pass before you know it.

I will always be around watching out for you kiddo, that I promise. So have fun with your next stage and next and next and you’ll see life is always beautiful and worth living for.

Thank you for being my daughter Alex, and I love you today and always. Here is a song I wish I can sing to you myself, but as you know my voice is kinda suck, so here it is.. I dedicated this song to you.. something for you to remembering me by.

Greatest Love Of All

I believe the children are our are future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
Everybody searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone to fulfill my needs
A lonely place to be
So I learned to depend on me

[Chorus:]

I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be

[Chorus]

And if by chance, that special place
That you've been dreaming of
Leads you to a lonely place
Find your strength in love

p/s : your dad is a great man, tho we did not quite make it we parted due to irreconcilable differences but all you need to know is that he loves you very much, give him a chance and I hope you two make peace with each other. Then I will find myself dying with a great grin on my face...

With lots of love

Mother

Do you believe that Human Beings are rather capable ? I don’t believe then but I do now

I used to spend lavishly on most of everything without feeling the pinch merely because in one hand I am clueless the importance of money and on the other I am afraid that tomorrow might not come for me, so what I did basically is living my life to the fullest everyday so that I will not have regrets and if tomorrow never comes the very least I won’t leave the world with falling faith.

Simply because I am a woman so I rightly think that women have the tendency to spend more then men. I always built up all sort of excuses to make myself feel better so that I won’t be feeling so guilty of keep on spending.

I shop for clothing that I barely wear, some were still with the priced tag intact and some I totally forgotten of having them just for the sake of buying yet keeps on buying more I thought I already living up to my expectation, I thought I am supporting the economic growth then one day something bad had happen the crunch came for me that had underpin the motivation to further develop my life and loss of interest in things that previously gave me pleasure SHOPPING. I was having trouble sleeping, I sleep all the time my appetites were absent or excessive often wish I was dead.

I am not gonna go into details of what had happened because I have left those nightmares behind as I already locked them up in my heart somewhere and throw away the keys*Grin*.

My senses has ignited when I came out of “the cold” I am completely a change person I am no longer thinking shopping is the ONLY way to get by life or the only way that that makes me happy. Those were probably some ambiguous nonsense I made up to self-convinced then, so for whatever the coulda,woulda shoulda it doesn’t matter now….

Both of my “clown” friends (not a sense of despise here) I named them that because they are rather entertaining the very least they got me to smile or laugh because *of all the forms of courage, the ability to laugh is the most profoundly therapeutic) along with jokes and all. BTW “clown” is our secret code we shared among us. They have a few queries flying somewhere in their mind wonder would all these changes will eventually got me KILL they wonder is this going to be a blessing or a curse? Then I said to them, it is going to be all good accompany by teeny weeny bit of bads *Grin* that’s only I am allowing it.

Having the satisfaction of playing my own destiny and faith in my hands are rather liberating I can decide to be happy or sad whatever, whenever, or wherever so long as I am not in a life threatening situation I will opt to be happy. I am usually happy though.

Message to dear Ashley (pardon me that I have to post my heartfelt speechy here because I don’t have your e-mail address) AHEM *clearing my throat* so here goes …

Ashley, I know you probably think you are ugly but you are NOT, you are a very sweet, lovely yet helpful person (aite up till this point I must stress that I am not a bit shit of intend to patronize you because I have to be responsible of what I said) your post reflect your persona best I often read with green of envy I adore your top notch English compare to my beaten up ones. Don’t think that people are picking on you, you should think that (they must have liking me too much)? *Grin* you know my dear out greatest strengths are our greatest weaknesses and one of the things that make us “human” is the ability to contemplate the future, if we are to bear the awful weight of time with grace or acceptance, we have to come to terms with the losses that life inevitably imposes upon us. So be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid I have no doubt of it. Consider yourself lucky enough to be made compared to a pot of “plant” imagine the world without plants see how “noble or important” plants are to us human beings *wink* ….geezz I wish that some one would crown me that instead of “cheesy ole cheese” …..hahahahaha, so chin up and walk tall my dear because you are just lovely *grin*

People pick on me all the time, i.e. how come you don’t have branded goods? You are too fat, you are a pig, you are too slim, you talk too much you put too much makeups on etc (now with all these gave me hell of the reason in the world to just break their legs or severed their heads but I often think that ehh no bad huh you people are actually paying a lot of attention to me, makes me feel so important hehehe….I feel honored simply I think well hell with what they say long as I get to buy whatever I want *mostly cheap stuff* then I am rich already who cares what I put on? It takes more then just that to rattle my cage ohh…

Now that I am out at “Kofi-Bin” with my 2 clown friends, they both said I am full with shit ….I want them to reconsider/restatement of what they had just said. It was those “shitty-shit” you guys once thrown at me that keeps me alive and kicking……so hoover it !! LMAO……hahahahaha

I concluded this as in every life there is a drama…..and this is just one of the gazillion episodes.

Elyn